In the Faces of Our Children

In the Faces of Our Children                                       

This morning I remember to hold Nigel

-a few minutes for our bodies to remember that we are on the same team

Before we begin working out what he will wear

What he will eat for breakfast.

As I hold his never quite still self, gratefulness seeps in.

This morning he remembers to go to the bathroom before he eats

-instead of wiggling in his chair painfully for 10 minutes.

He listens to his body!

We have 10 minutes before the bus comes.

His face lights up when I bring out the sight word cards.

His delight in learning!

In putting the little pieces of the world together in a great connected jigsaw puzzle!

As he sounds out “who” and “eat”, “woo” and “et”, his face twitching in concentration,

I sense the strength of this child. 

He will do great things with his mind.

Maggie asks me again if she can wear her snowboots to school

Even though it is 45 degrees outside.

She is relentless to express her ideas

Without consideration of practical details.

She wants to do many things at the same time

Wants to read and eat breakfast together

While I comb her hair.

She hums and wiggles constantly at mealtime

Makes faces in the stainless steel rice pot

All supper long.

Yesterday morning she was creating stories.

Before I knew it, the boys were following her around the yard

Carrying Legos, piling up grass for her plastic horse

Following her relentless creative spirit.

She will be active, she will inspire others

She will bring movement and magic to the blank, dark spaces

A creator.

Pictures this time of Year

Drawing owls with "sharp eyes"

Drinking tea made by her sister on day 7 of her feverish illness

Eating breakfast

Morning tea maker, disappointed about last day of summer vacation

Introducing the PIC-flict

Further thoughts re: discussion about parenting, the introduction of the PICflict.

It is easy to think (in the early stages of parenting) that one can pick and choose which experiences he would like to shape his children’s upbringing, and thereby what values he wants to instill in them.  (I want my children to know how to work, I want my children to appreciate the value of money, I want my children to have idyllic carefree play time, etc.)  Unfortunately, there are limits to many of these good intentions.  Can one simply pick and choose values, experiences that may come from different eras, cultures, contexts, lump them together in a customized amalgamation and expect it all to work?

Society and culture has shifted, is always shifting.  From rural and agrarian to metropolitan, from industrial to professional, from religious to secular, from reliance on community and self-labor to mechanization, technology, education, etc.  The list goes on.

These shifts are not only in ideals, morals, world-views.  They are concurrently shifts in how time is spent, how easy or accessible certain activities are in the flow of our routines, how valued and supported certain things are.  How we acquire the necessities of life changes.

For example:  We don’t NEED to plant a garden.  To really garden, one needs to put in time.  A couple hours per week minimum just in maintenance?  Not to mention research time, planning time, planting time, troubleshooting time, processing of produce time.  One needs to have a means of working the soil.  Do we have access to a tiller?  A small tractor?  A trailer to haul one?  Neighbors or family who we feel comfortable borrowing from?  Are we gone many weekends of the summer?  We travel more nowadays.  We have soccer games to go to.  Skating lessons.  Family camps.  Vacations.  Six Saturdays spent at the soccer complex are six Saturdays that we’re not going to be able to spend in the garden.  So the ideal of (I want my child to have opportunity to play sports) is in competition with the ideal (I want my child to participate in the life cycle of a garden).   Just one example of a Parenting Ideal Conflict. (or PICflict)

I think a truth that I’m whittling toward with all this babble is that the transference of values to our children requires TIME.  Not only is that time so difficult to come by, but how we spend our time has changed a lot, even from the time we were kids to parents.  

Thoughts?

daily failure

after pushing M (age 5) through the ropes of the morning routine and just emerging in time to catch the bus, a few minutes to spare - with shoes, coat, backpack, snack and water bottle - I decide to forego the spelling list today, even though we haven't had the time for it for about a week.  she surprises me by handing the list to me - a silent gesture "lets do the list dad."  she makes attempt at the first word, at first replacing the "i" in "with" with "a", then getting the "th" after I isolate the sound.  when I ask her to do it again, all together, she absentmindely spells t - h - e.  I laugh out loud because I know she is distracted and I have a tendency to make things like this task to serious.  (she is a good speller)  and laughing out loud is a much better way of dealing with chaos than getting uptight.  I tell her that she's "not thinking" and that we'll do it another time.  The bus is now imminent.  She must be interpreting this as an insult because, wordless, she shuffles out the front door and does not blow me the customary kiss as usual.  she is stating her disapproval. 

I sigh as I watch her purple and pink colors walk over the brown late winter grass towards the bus, wondering at the incredible odds against positive parenting - the constant thwarts against good intentions, the million ways that children cause us to feel as though we are failing. 

there are way more things to do and be done in this job than it is possible for us to do, unless we can figure out a way to stay up around the clock consecutively for about 25 years.  and yet, we cannot help ourselves from trying to do it all.  but the harder we focus, the more likely it is that we will miss something important that is happening on its own.  somewhere between the ideals we hold ourselves to, the efforts we produce and the perceived failure that results - there must be a place for us to exist.  that is part of the daily routine of living.  working that algorithm again and again, trying to come out at the end of the day with some semblance of contentment - that we have given the day a good whirl, hung on tightly to the kite string and were not afraid to look up at the kite and laugh.

The older we get the more we fail, but the more we fail the more we feel a part of the dead straw of the universe - Robert Bly