Further thoughts re: discussion about parenting, the
introduction of the PICflict.
It is easy to think (in the early stages of parenting) that
one can pick and choose which experiences he would like to shape his children’s
upbringing, and thereby what values he wants to instill in them. (I want my children to know how to work, I
want my children to appreciate the value of money, I want my children to have
idyllic carefree play time, etc.)
Unfortunately, there are limits to many of these good intentions. Can one simply pick and choose values,
experiences that may come from different eras, cultures, contexts, lump them
together in a customized amalgamation and expect it all to work?
Society and culture has shifted, is always shifting. From rural and agrarian to metropolitan, from
industrial to professional, from religious to secular, from reliance on community
and self-labor to mechanization, technology, education, etc. The list goes on.
These shifts are not only in ideals, morals,
world-views. They are concurrently
shifts in how time is spent, how easy or accessible certain activities
are in the flow of our routines, how valued and supported certain things are. How we acquire the necessities of life changes.
For example: We don’t
NEED to plant a garden. To really
garden, one needs to put in time. A
couple hours per week minimum just in maintenance? Not to mention research time, planning time, planting
time, troubleshooting time, processing of produce time. One needs to have a means of working the
soil. Do we have access to a
tiller? A small tractor? A trailer to haul one? Neighbors or family who we feel comfortable
borrowing from? Are we gone many
weekends of the summer? We travel more nowadays. We have soccer games to go to. Skating lessons. Family camps.
Vacations. Six Saturdays spent at
the soccer complex are six Saturdays that we’re not going to be able to spend
in the garden. So the ideal of (I want
my child to have opportunity to play sports) is in competition with the ideal
(I want my child to participate in the life cycle of a garden). Just one example of a Parenting Ideal
Conflict. (or PICflict)
I think a truth that I’m whittling toward with all this
babble is that the transference of values to our children requires TIME. Not only is that time so difficult to come
by, but how we spend our time has changed a lot, even from the time we
were kids to parents.
Thoughts?
