Give Joy

I am a piranha, quick and effective. I am pulling Nigel in and out of the little Civic, dashing from store to store, checking items off my Christmas list, holding it all together, actually kind of getting an enjoyable rush out of buying gifts. Then I notice a sign that states simply, "Give Joy", and at first I think it says, "buy joy" which makes more sense plastered on the front door of Best Buy, until I look again and sure enough, it encourages me to "give joy." I've just bought a gift card there, scuttling in and out since the store kind of scares me with it's weird, dim lighting and the suppressed but overstimulated tension that lays heavily between the long isles of screaming hd dvd covers and overpriced(?) and undersized electronics.

so I have to wonder about this "giving joy" thing, of course I'm giving joy, aren't I? with buying the gift card, with making the effort to drag a child around, wait in line with grumpy customers and making small chat with the brisk sales people who like to pretend they are checking my id. I'm even signing my name on a computerized screen without ink. I'm probably saving an ink tree which more than makes up for the extra electricity it's taking to backlight that little box that is so hard to read, to understand.

I decide that the most joy I'm actually giving comes from dragging N, 6 months, around to all the stores. The elderly and the very young are enthralled with his red-cheeked face nestled down in his car seat. an older man squats down in the middle of Sears and has a one-sided conversation. "Aren't you going to talk to me today?" he asks? a 3 yr.-old named Calvin runs over to him in Starbuck's, looks up at me and yells, "what is it?" he follows N and me around, over to the cream station, his mom tries desperately to get him to say "goodbye" but instead he gives a maniacal grin.

Into the Wild

"Nature is not a place to visit, it is home . . . "

-Gary Snyder

so calling an overnight hike into the woods of PA a "jaunt into the wild" may not be entirely accurate. however, when the moonless sky becomes black as black and you can't hear anything but your own breathing, and your only source of heat is your own body on a cold night in November (below freezing) - it begins to feel like the wild. this is what happens when you plan a backpacking trip for a group of friends and you decide reluctantly to cancel the trip at the last minute because of bad weather - but you also can't stand the idea of staying at home when just minutes before you were anticipating stomping around in the woods, making a fire and seeking a bit of solitude.

I've only been out in the woods for a solo overnight adventure once before - and that was under entirely different circumstances probably 16 years ago. I never really thought much about wanting to try something of this nature alone - but the opportunity arose like a Walleye jumping out of the water and I grabbed it.

I barely made it to a campsite with water before dark, and hastily set up my tent before deciding to first cook my soup on a gas stove before searching for fuel for the fire. I only spilled my soup once time, which forced me to pump more water and start the boiling process all over again so it was very cold and dark before I got around to the fire part of the evening. I learned that it takes alot longer to set up camp when by oneself. there is no division of labor. also, it is a little more scary when you lose the trail and imagine yourself wandering around lost by yourself. but I encountered nothing that a little persistence and a compass couldn't handle.

Such a journey in solitude resembles a search for the self, an emptying and filling of conscious desire, awareness and the flickering embers of aliveness that heats your bones at night. it requires a certain familiarity with aloneness, it demands that we make a sort of peace with ourselves, it clarifies our actions and our movement. Sometimes, it is good for man to be alone.

For Those

interested in pictures of us
at various times

waiting for the bus at home

Killbuck Marsh (otherwise known as "the swamps down in Shreve")

home again

Favorite Portraits of the Day

for more portraits and other pictures, visit my photography website: www.lyricinblue.com

The Dad Project: Day 1

These pictures originate organically from a "day at home with the kids" and due to the difficulties provided by blogspot, do not flow in chronological sequence.

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