Our Time in Its Beautiful Way

when my fingers trace the shape of you

along your face

with its softened skin

I sense you far beneath

down, down below the surface

deeper and deeper

beyond my knowing

beyond my sleepless stare

my eyes watery and washed

drowning in great salt waves

heaved from their burning ocean of tumult

thundering and dissolving my world
our world together

until I am undone

unmasked and mistook

aimless in my convictions
harrowed in my night

harrowed in my night

.

.

our time in its beautiful way

like ice crystals completely shattered

sprinkled in a graceful arc

across mountains and deserts

and all the empty air

all the empty air

.

.

a great loss is thrust upon me

piercing my chest to bursting flesh

its cavity scraped, scoured and blood-let

excised of its beatings

its hormonal angst

its pure love

its devotion

its haste

my splintered ribs clutch

at their barren vacancy

for entrails discarded

scattered into four winds

and many secret places

many secret places
.

.

walking the night along its ruddy breezes

its tempest breathing in and out

scalding me with ambivalence

pressing into my face the unimaginable

the unquenched path

and its unforeseen end

undeniable

.

.

your footfalls in the darkness

I walk towards you

and away again

towards you

and away again

a circling search

of a place I can know again

of a time I can remember

how to be

.

.

I watch for your shadow

undulating among the trees

among the slanted slopes

I touch your hair

and remember you

where you had once been

once ruminated and embraced

and died openly

.

.

empty, I float away

above the earth and this time

above my mumblings

my disdain, my reproach

secretive and bubbling sweet

a silky dream

tucked in a crevice

like a coiled web
.

.

I await your returning

and vow to wait

to sink back with the rain

into the low-lying puddles

and muddy spots

collected

trickled down and distilled

remade and undone
remade again

.

.

memories in gentle roundabout currents

swirl me along the dotted earth

replace my disgrace
rearrange my disguise

upend my brimming heart

convolute my silence

and my hope

.

.

I've been bitten

down deep

where I cannot go

where I cannot go

to stop the bleeding

flowers I picked for Shannon with her scarf