Books and I: Why and Why Not

so this is the makeshift scrounged-up collection of books I found beside my bed that I'm trying to read currently (none of them completed). currently as in the last year or so. I'm not sure if it's a statement of who I am, who I want to be, or who I think I want to be. it may just be a little fantasy I cling to in which I trick myself into believing that I read lots of books, while at the same time a constant physical reminder that (in the words of Michael Ruhlman in HOUSE: A MEMOIR, yet another book that O. and I are trying to read through together before we run out of library renewals) "we have far more to do in our lives than there's time for." yes, I say, I agree mike. but here we digress. he pushes ahead, "given limited time, I determined to be organized about life, always to have a plan, always to be accomplishing something." while I consider myself to be determined, I hardly ever have a consistent plan, and seldom feel anything akin to accomplishment. (I should call this blog OUT OF TIME: MY FINITE COMPLAINTS)

I should try to remember that "the wise man reads both books and life itself." a proverb that stands politely on a bookmark given to me in a time period of my life when I had more books than life to read. surely, these two mediums are difficult to juggle fairly. it seems likely that while raising a young family, for instance, your books can easily become a stack of dust beside your bed. yet at the same time, there's life in abundance to read, if we can look at it that way. the question of import, then, would be, am I reading at all? am I thinking? am I exploring the crevices of my mind? of the world around me? (no, I'm trying to do loads of laundry and scrape sentences together for a blog while M., my nearly two-year old, stomps around in frustration trying to put on two different kinds of shoes and choking herself with a plastic clothes hanger, pawing at me but not allowing me to help her in any way)

but no matter how dusty my books become, I will always make room for their heavy boxes in the next moving truck, toting them from state to state, carrying them up and down apartment building steps. I will consistently and persistently check out more books from the library than I can possibly read and I will always dream about a time when I will be able to read that book I've had since 10th grade that I haven't opened, but sincerely believe it will help me to discover the secrets to life's mystery; although I grow less and less dependent on the answers I expect to find in my books and more interested in the relationship I can continue to develop with them: the comfort, comradery, understanding and challenge. there will always be a gasp in my chest when I step into a used book store, eyes wide and gleaming; like the time we went to Strand's in New York and I added to my collection of Hemmingway novels. Here are my current, dusty friends. THE OXFORD PROJECT PETER FELDSTEIN, STEPHEN G. BLOOM

a wonderful photographic depiction of the humanity in a small town of around 700 people frozen at two points in time, 1984 and 2005. very inspirational for my photography brain in thinking about the depth of humanity that can be captured and what can be done with it. bought with a gift card.

THE BROTHERS KARAMAZOV FYODOR DOSTOEVSKY
this is my "classics" assignment. one that I've never read but if the covers says "a terrifying answer to man's eternal questions, this monumental work remains the crowning achievment of perhaps the finest novelist of all time" I'd better at least try to read it. I've read enough Dostoevsky to know it will be worth the read, but I've only waded through about an eighth of the book. this is the kind of book that would be much easier to read in high school when there were large chunks of free time - not conducive to reading in small fragments, as Dostoevsky takes a long time to introduce characters and set up his plots. I forget them in the meantime. I think this is O.'s book.


SELECTED MODERN CHINESE PROSE WRITINGS

this is one I like to dip into from time to time. the Chinese thought and prose is always refreshing in its simplicity and depth. given to me by my sister who lived in China.

DOG TRAINING DORMAN PANTFOEDER

dog training is deceptively more difficult than books would tell you. not difficult in itself, but difficult in its demands for time and emotional commitment. dogs are like kids, they don't act exactly like the descriptions in parenting books. dog training is a process, and I'm trying to read this to help in the process. bought at discount at pet close-out sale.

THE ART OF THE PERSONAL ESSAY PHILLIP LOPATE

I bought this book at the college university bookstore while attempting to audit a writing class. the class didn't work out but I've found the book very inspirational for my writing brain. I didn't really know what a personal essay was before I bought the book but I think it could be a good medium for me. of special interest is George Orwell's "Such, Such Were the Joys" in which he depicts his childhoold experience growing up in school and the ways in which he navigated spiritual and moral formation. (I quote the title alot, sometimes it makes O. laugh sometimes it annoys her) another memorable moment was Virginia Woolf's question, "am I here, or am I there?" and her depiction of the fragmented self in "Street Haunting".

EAST OF THE SUN BENSON BOBRICK

the subtitle is a very fitting description. this is my "history" assignment. I borrowed the book from my mom who's interest in Siberia began with my sister's pursuit of life there. I found the early history of Siberia remarkable (and terrible) in its similarities to North American history.

CHIEF MODERN POETS OF ENGLAND & NORTH AMERICA SANDERS & NELSON

my "poetry" assignment. the prettiest book of them all and probably the cheapest. I bought it (or was it free) at a library sale in college. this book was published in the early 40's so in this case, "modern" refers to poets writing in the early 1900's. this is kind of like the Bible - you read a little here and there and never try to grasp it all at once.

THE CLOISTER WALK KATHLEEN NORRIS

my "spiritual" assignment. given to me by a friend, this book surprised me by it's exploration of what a poet (or artist or prophet) is. I like books that give you something you didn't know you were looking for - this would qualify as one of those.

THE STAY-AT-HOME DAD HANDBOOK PETER BAYLIES

my "practical" assignment. this guy is probably more organized than I'll ever want to be, but its almost always nice to hear from someone in your field. he doesn't give the patterns for making a matching shirt/baby outfit but I'll keep my eye out. got this one for a gift and it has some good, practical stuff in it.